The Amazonian skyline at dusk
I had myself a Day. It consisted of a mad shopping spree at The Beverly Center (my old home-away-from-home, in the former life) with my Punk Rock pal. He needed a woman’s point of view on what looks tres la luscious on a boy-bod, and, well, THAT I can do. He had a gorgeous energy and vitality that’s been missing in the recent months, and it just made me dizzy with happiness. His fog, at least somewhat, has lifted. Seeing him happy, and buying clothes that made him look sexy and confident, absolutely rocked. And I didn’t spend a DIME – which has to be the first time ever I have traipsed through that locale without so much as a sock purchased. Go. Me.
Then I had me some estrogen. Picked-up the BFF and this beautiful Pisces girl and we put the top down (I drive a convertible, boys, don’t get too excited) and whisked off to Ethiopian chow. SUCH great energy. We dished about the men in our lives (and my lack-there-of, heehee), astrological frustrations and gifts, and the secrets of the universe. Made me high and giddy. And it reminded me of a really awesome and profound recent event.
The girls and I were talking about our Higher Selves – finding that true path and owning it with all our faith and energies. I yapped a little about the voices in our head – all those often contradictory play-by-plays that throw us for loops and peaks and valleys. Since the Amazon, I feel like I’ve been able to identify the voice of my Higher Self – the girl who’s been there throughout past lives, and who knows-all about the purpose of this one. We talked a lot in the jungle. She saved me from utter catastrophe when I split with the Seeker. And the other day, as I sat looking in the mirror completing a make-up flourish, she kicked-in. Hardcore. I was having a Down Day, feeling frumpy and fat and unfond of the new darker-locks, and as I got up to jet-off to Starbucks, she sat my ass back down and had me look head-on into the mirror. I saw me – not the reflection, but the real me. Those are rare moments, you know? The deep eyelock dive. And I heard her talking. Telling me I was beautiful, regardless of imperfections. Telling me how proud she was of my recent courage and faith. Telling me to stay strong, chin-up, because so many awesome things were waiting to greet me. It felt SO amazing, so real, that I ended up crying. Giggling, tearful, and reapplying that layer of make-up. But let me tell ya, it was worth it.
Whatever happened to me this year, down in that jungle-haven; well, it either enlightened me to a level I never dreamt of, or flipped on the crazy-switch. Either way, I am never. Turning. Back. I adore this girl inside my head – that’s one voice I would never want to silence.
