Kim from trip 1, with that trademark meditative cloud-gaze, in one of those bilssful hammocks
Surely you’ve heard to How To Save a Life song on the radio. I dare say it’s on repeat. At least, it is in my head. The last few days or more, this tune has incessantly played out in my noggin. I wake up in the morning humming it, and find myself in the same state throughout the day. Yesterday I relented and bought it via iTunes. Maybe it means something. See, I think I’m saving my own llfe, by returning to the Amazon. In a literal and figurative sense. I’m going to heal myself, with the Shaman’s help, of ailments just on the verge of taking over. It is not my path in life to be physically ill, though I’ve owned that label since birth. The doctors told my parents when I was born that I had cycstic fibrosis, and wouldn’t live past 20. That diagnosis was eventually reversed, but the point is, I’ve been fighting my way to health since the first breath. I’m done fighting. It’s time to bring in light and be done with these ailments. So that’s the start.
Secondly, I have a life to realize. I have known since the diagnosis days that I am here to write. Yet I get in my way at almost every turn. I don’t dream big enough in that arena because I’m too bloody scared. I am dying to break free of that barrier; to realize my destiny. It’s huge and I want it and I just have to let go. Same with my body. I vacillate on weight and love/hate emotions regarding this house I live in, and I am ready to release all of that too and just be. However it looks like. Of course, by shedding the obsessiveness, I know I’ll be healthy and will likely look volumes better than I do now. Not that any of that matters, in the scheme of things. I just fall prey to the urge to give the outside all my power.
It’s time to be done with this. Seven shamanistic ceremonies should send me on my way.
I’ve spent the morning reading about the plants I’m about to welcome into my entity. I’ve had Ayahuasca before, yes, but there’s always so much to learn. Huachuma – he is new to me. The most revered and ancient psychoactive plant in existence. I discovered that my journey leader’s new retreat is open for business, which means we’ll be staying at a new location in the jungle. I had attached myself somewhat to the memories of the first lodge, and one specific hammock, but I trust there’s new amazing accomodations to enjoy, and new hammocks to stake claims to. This newness is exciting. I also read that we’ll be exploring the ever-amazing town of Iquitos during our Huachuma ceremony. This plant is an external force, unlike the introspective Ayahuasca. I’m daunted and shaky and so freaking ready. I can’t believe how lucky I am. A book deal, the love of my life, the best friends in the world, and journeys to the Amazon and into my very core.
I just wish you were coming with me.
