Shamanika and the sky, Heaven’s Gate
I owe you the ending, I suppose, but there is none. The end of Heaven’s Gate…it’s rather indescribable to me, as it represented the beginning of my new life.
A life I need to share and write about here…to sort through and begin to source in all it’s glory.
A lot is happening. By a lot, I mean — a tail spin. The kind of carnival ride that makes you puke and grin at the same time. Wheee, I say. Hands free.
I’m moving to Vegas. I don’t know when, but I do know why. The end of the year is my goal – intention is clear, set, sent the universe, signed and sealed – yadda yadda.
Why?
Because Mom needs me. With Dad’s passing earlier this year, the hole she is trying to fill is too big for a solo effort. I have the light she’s seeking, and I’m selfish not to share. Plus, it’s a chance for me to escape the distractions of the familiar rut I’ve created and live a dream of sorts — to isolate myself, further my career, and get the second novel done — the one the Will Change Everything.
I am all kinds of faithful.
Here’s the kicker — Z isn’t coming with me. Talk about your bitter pills. I’ve been aching from it all, but now I see the gift. At long last. He’s on the enlightenment path — it’s who he is. And maybe it’s who I am too — I’m still finding that truth.
(OK, I know it’s my path too, I’m just not ready to fully OWN it yet. There, I said it.)
Anyway, I had the incredible honor of meeting his Ashram family and the omnipotent Guru. I had no context for this sort of experience – before Z, I had no idea what enlightenment really meant, or any experience with someone who had reached that state. Meeting Z’s Guru – it just changed everything. He’s the real thing; an absolute beacon of realness and service. I am still buzzing from the contact. And I realized, of course, that it’s where my love belongs. It’s what I love about him the most – this incredible path he’s found for himself. The greatness he is poised to achieve. I know he’s chasing the enlightenment dream not for himself, but for the elevation of us all. I am tearing up as I process this — there’s no greater gift. He is willing to give up EVERYthing just to help us cast off the shackles. If we all held this mentality, there would be no need to give up a thing.
We aren’t splitting up – quite the contrary. We’re stronger than ever. He’ll be in the OC, and then Maui, I will be in Vegas, and we are chucking the “It’ll never work” nonsense and creating the reality we believe in. An easy path, no, but ours all the same. We trust in the rewards. That’s all that matters.
And that’s just the beginning, as it were, but enough to gnaw on for now.
Let me just end by saying – mercy, I have missed you.
“I’m the fucking Buddha,
This is enlightenment.”
-Bjork
