PlantShaman's Enlightenment Blog

I’ve made no qualms about how much I love my fantabulous partner Orion from word one – in here, and out in the world.  Meeting him felt immediately enchanting and auspicious, and the only thing that’s surprised me about how true this has become is the absolute infinite level of WOW factor this relationship has.  It really is the quintessential “I love him more every day” type of union.  He gets cuter by the second, more intriguing by the moment, and more treasured with every breath.  Seriously.  That’s not even flowery rhetoric.  But the idea of *marrying* him still felt ghastly and unnecessary – up until about 10 days ago.

Orion and I had talked marriage before, but in a “ewwwww” focused tone.  We’re both divorced, and not in the least bit eager to go through that process again.  I’ve always had big issues with the way society defines marriage anyway, and have never felt that “fairy tale” pull.  I got married the first time around to someone I loved very dearly, but in a youthful, “why not?” kind of impulsive way.  Less than four years later, things were finito.  And I vowed to never say vows again.  (My first mistake, clearly).

Orion is in the same boat, but for different reasons.  In the end, though, we have never felt pulled to the alter, because we never could see the point of it.  Why bother?  We refuse to make any promises outside of what the present moment holds.  Yet as much as we both dismiss the idea of holding on to past stories, we were clearly holding on to tales of what marriage has meant to us. . .in the past.  Something clicked 10 days ago to help us see that perhaps surrendering into what was unfolding (our very favorite past time) might instead be a more fruitful path.

We had just returned from a weekend jaunt to Australia, where Orion flew the big ole plane.  It was a dream trip – 28 lightning fast hours in Sydney, filled with opera house moments, magnificent food, and just an overall fantastic time.  The next morning, we were handling our respective duties, and in he came (to my office) for a chat.  Previously that weekend, we had agreed to file for domestic partnership status via his airline, so I could receive all the benefits possible.  It turns out that process was loaded with hoops – all kinds of ridiculous things to prove we were actually linked (joint credit cards, wills, you name it).  Meh.  We were determined to get past the system, however, so we started making plans for how to tackle each requirement.

Then Orion came back into my office with the strangest vibe.  He started out by saying “This is gonna sound crazy, but. . .” and I could just feel,l hear, sense, taste his beautiful, sincere heart.  I had NO idea what was coming, but he certainly had my attention.  He finished by saying “. . .I think we should just get married.”

I plopped my head on my desk and gasped / giggled / freaked out.  MARRIED?  Weren’t we against that?  And if that was true, why did we both feel so GIDDY at the prospect?

We explored this option in depth for many minutes.  In the end, we were clutching each other’s hands, teary-eyed, giggly, and all kinds of GOING FOR IT.  The door of possibility had opened, and we just melted into the portal.  We realized that of course we could define marriage to mean exactly what it DOES mean between the two of us – not what society has to say.  Of course we can.  We do that with just about everything.  There was no need to “beat” the system – we simply needed to drop our stories, and surrender into what our souls were asking for.  Doing so felt / feels so freaking fabulous, I just don’t have the words.

And so we went about telling all our friends and family – again, naively thinking it would likely be a small affair, but of course we’d invite all our loved ones just in case.  We picked Halloween as The Day, mainly because we loved the symbolism – it’s the one day that everyone acknowledges they are playing a role, even though we’re very mindful those roles are playing out every moment, always shifting – and we just loved the idea of a costumed wedding.  Within days, our inbox and voicemail lit up with loved ones all across the country, each planning to make the trek.  I guess the allure of wedding / Halloween / Vegas is just too much for most to pass up, and we couldn’t be more honored and thrilled.  This is going to be epic.

We’ve got a hefty amount to do between now and the big day, and a 2 1/2 week Peru trip tucked in the middle of that time too.  It’s going to be a wild ride, but it always is with this partner of mine.  Somehow, we’ve fallen on a recipe that just *works* – integrity, self-awareness, a shared vision for true liberation, and the agreement to be with what is, in every moment, and not enforce a clingy sense of “you must stay with me” nonsense on each other.  That, and we’re just bat shit about each other.  It’s magical, and I can think of no better way to honor this beautiful dance than to have a big old celebration with all our favorite people.  We’ll be dressed as Shiva and Shakti – the god and goddess of creation, life, emotion, and all that is.  Fitting and perfect and so way beyond any fairy tale I could have ever conceived of.

It’s fun eating humble pie.  Especially when it results in such a volcano of blissful revelation.  Marriage, bring it on.  I’m ready to chuck all my previous fearful notions, and all the ridiculous conventional pressure and societal sentiment, and create something that works for the two of us, in every moment.  So if you don’t have any Halloween plans, I suggest you come join us for a unique and festive wedding soiree.  Just be prepared for a hell of a lot of sappiness.  It’s true we’re normally cool-as-cucumber Aquarian types, but on THIS day – all rules are broken.

Tags: Engagement, Love, Marriage, Proposal, Wedding