From http://www.webdesign.org/img_articles/12462/Exploding-Heart21.jpg

I’m having the kind of day the edges on the point of surreal – experiences so electric, so deep and meaningful, so heart-centered and connected and magical and lovely, I’m more than a little dizzy. This is good stuff.

So this may sound like a small thing, but I bought a new dining table / chairs combo, and it was delivered today. I haven’t had a dining table since I moved to Vegas. It’s been part of my reluctance to become fully immersed in my life here. I used to have famous dinner parties brimming with beautiful peeps, but I’ve deprived myself of being the social fiend that I truly love to be since I’ve moved here. Until recently. This table is a tangible symbol of my now-ness in this city, this space and time, and also my love of bringing people together. I can’t wait for the magic to unfold. Oh, and it’s a really fucking cool table / chairs / bench thingee. Yeah, there’s me being shallow. I like stylish stuff, and this set is smokin’.

But what I’m really all a-buzz about is more about the people that will share that table space with me. Every time I think I’m getting used to this connecting business, someone throws me a curve ball. Or something happens to fall further in.

Best Vegas Girl and I keep getting closer. She’s given me feedback many times that I am not vulnerable with her the way she has honored me, and I’ve been working hard to break down those barriers. It’s paying off in spades. I am over the moon about our chats lately. I’ve been so honest and real with her, and she’s so equally raw and so accepting – omg does it make me giddy.

Then there’s Sage. He got back from THE most wildly amazing, life-changing, divinely cosmic HOLY COW adventure in Australia today, and we just shared stories over Starbucks. I can’t even begin to describe what he’s experienced now with the Guru and the ashram (our spiritual teacher has an ashram there, and is down there now doing a retreat). It’s definitely the kind of stuff that defies explanation, and if I told you, most wouldn’t believe it anyway. I didn’t until I lived some of these moments too. But Sage, he took the baton I passed and ran full speed into the cosmos. He is teaching me so much about surrender and manifestation. I am so proud and awed by him. We had the best talk and these incredible hugs and I could just cry when I think of how precious he is.

I get to see Z and Healer this weekend too, and have a woman’s gathering at the ashram. I only know my Soul Sis and my Aya friend (a woman who will soon be doing Ayahuasca with me, hence the moniker) – the other women are virtual strangers, and that’s about to change. Very, very exciting. Z and I will no doubt have a huge weekend too – so much has been up for us, but we’re very surrendered to sorting our way through and finding the next level of our bond. Aw yeah, this is getting very interesting.

And lastly (but certainly not leastly), there’s Mr. Orion. My fellow seeker, truth slayer, deep thinker, and whoa boy, hardcore email-er. We wrote each other – no exaggeration – eleven page emails today. You know those kind of bonding sessions that are completely without walls, completely without expectations – just respect and safety and truth, coupled with loads of energy bolts? That’s what I have with him. Another kindred, another special someone that has so much to teach me, so much to offer – ah man. I’m so lucky and sourced and buzzy.

Sage also brought me back gifts from The Artiste – another soul-brother of mine that lives in Australia. I have yet to meet him yet, but I love him deeply. He’s a brilliant painter and a beautiful soul. Of course Sage felt him as a brother too – we’re all family, clearly. And Artiste sent back some CDs, paintings, photos, and a gorgeous bracelet for me to enjoy.

I’m spilling over. I’m loving life. I’m feeling more than I have ever felt, and although there’s some really intense firings going down, I know I can handle all this and more. I’m jumping deep, deep into the rabbit hole here, but I trust there’s a safety net. Better yet, I trust that there is no ground. There is no landing, no end to this if I choose to keep on keepin’ on. Which, of course, I do. There’s no stopping now.

From www.flickr.com/photos/sherrett/2214730263/

Since the dawn of the new year, every day has felt like a vortex. Like I’m falling just a little bit deeper into the Twilight Zone. That’s how the quest to heal has appeared to me these days – my balls-out I Want To Heal At All Costs attitude has thrust me into the hot seat. I am no longer on the fringe of an ashram, I’m fully immersed inside of one. A magnificent mystery school. A place where things I could never, ever give words to happen every single day.

The latest unfolding started with a higher consciousness party (these peeps know how to have a soiree, believe that.) There’s a new pivotal someone in my sphere of influence that must be named now – he shall be dubbed Orion. He’s a consummate hunter of truth and ascension, and he’s single handedly helping to unify the metaphysical community of this scorchingly beautiful valley. In just a couple short weeks, he’s been completely embedded in my heart space, and thanks to the events he helps to organize, my life has been sourced a million times over. I’m meeting empowered, electric individuals with their fingers on various cosmic pulses, and it’s just beyond awesome. So, hat’s off to you Orion – I’m so lucky to know you.

This last Sunday, another active member of the metaphysical crew hosted an enlightenment discussion at his east-side abode. An enlightened being named Jim attended, and I gotta say, it was a trip. It’s irrelevant to relay what was actually said, as the majority of the activity happened way under the surface. Despite my ego’s belief that nothing really transpired except some circle-esque banter and unsatisfactory commentary, something was clearly triggered. The results don’t lie.

Later that evening, I had a conversation with boyfriend Z that pushed me into a seemingly small but no less noticeable emotional state. I watched a groovy DVD (Marie Antionette) and felt a mini-crash coming on. Out of instinct, and slightly against my better judgment, I sent the Guru an email highlighting a couple of things that I felt consumed by – distance from those I love. He responded later the next day, and wow was it a bullet of truth. I got refined in dramatic fashion about my victim consciousness – the most harsh download He’s ever flung my direction. I could have let my ego have her way and retreated into a turtle shell to lick my wounds, but thankfully, the somewhat brutal yet beautifully constructive email made me laugh at first, and ultimately just feel positively loved. It’s so rare to experience such truth, for the sheer benefit of growth – and that’s what Guruji gave to me. In exactly the manner that I would respond to most. Again, I’m floored by how fortunate I am.

Now, it seems I have strep throat, which I also find quite symbolic – my words have been infected, and those that I’ve held back have done the same. I’m learning so, so much about just being honest. No matter what that looks like. That I don’t have to be perfect, that I don’t always have to be on my game or look good. And that if I don’t take chances and rip off the happy dappy bullshit when it just isn’t sincere, I won’t source the kind of feedback I’ve been receiving these past few days. Sure, sometimes I feel like I’m straight out of a Tom Cruise flick – that I might not be able to handle the truth – but how else am I going to snap out of this life-long infantile programming? It is exactly how it needs to be. I’ll just keep feasting on humble pie. I mean, who doesn’t like a good pie every now and again?

My LA weekend proved to be a life-changing jaunt. I saw my Pisces prince for fake-drinks and french fries, spent scads of time with the Biz Partner/Wonder Twin as we continue to quest for world domination, enjoyed the hours with Best Friends J&A more than I have words, and took a trip down to the ashram to see beloved Z, the spiritual family, and yes, the amazing Guru.

He made time for me. That alone just makes me float and soar. It’s not a matter of feeling worthy – I am no more/less than anyone – but it still makes me feel so blessed. We discussed all matters of spirituality and ascension. He rightly pointed out I had been dangerously flirting with darkness and dualities – things I will continue to pursue as I get more skilled on how to handle the resulting forces. As He stated, the souffle hasn’t yet finished cooking – but man, when I’m ready to dive, you better believe I’m going deep. I’m going to be plucking the innocents from drowning in the darkness, bringing whomever I can back into the light. There’s a reason I can’t stop yearning for more shamanic ceremonies – this is who I am.

He also confirmed what others have been warning me about – I have been in danger. All this obsession on the Other Side has spurred up the attention of energies I can’t afford to welcome. We talked about such things in such a relaxed, nonchalant fashion – it felt more than a little surreal. But I have a clear way to stay clear, as it were, and I feel electrified, focused, love-filled, and joyous.

That’s not to say drama did not ensue. The day after my Guru session, I had a marathon meeting morning with Biz Partner. During the second face to face, I felt assaulted by an incredible pain, which pierced the top of my shoulder and sailed all the way down through my ribcage. Every breath intensified the steady, pulsing ache, and by the time I got to the airport some 4 hours later, I thought passing out was a true possibility. I kept it in check through the ride home, and threw myself on my alter as I walked through the front door. I can’t even tell you how hard I cried all night, speaking in ways I am not accustomed to hearing. Asking for help, see. It’s not something I Know.
I called out to all my angels, Guru included, and asked to receive the message, and thus release the pain.
I screamed and moaned and gargled my way into a deep slumber, and when I awoke, just one phrase lingered in my mind . . .
“I am of the light.”

Which made me realize I had been saved.
The Guru, I suspect, was extracting a demon or two. Sound far fetched? Believe me, I know. Everything I experience these days seems like a half-lie, because of the magnitude and intangible nature. And yet, I believe. With all that I am. All I can go on is how I feel – then and now, and every moment in between.

Can I trust that the moon is really shining above me, shifting into a myriad of colors and reflections? That’s a big yes. Well then, I can’t help but believe that anything else is possible too. Miracles are unfolding. Acknowledge them, and they multiply.