“Here we are on a journey from birth to death, with an opportunity to contribute a verse to the song of life. I want to sing of a deep awake world. I want to sing of a new tribe of compassionate, creative, wise, liberated, erotic, sublime, appreciative, unique individuals, living lucidly as one and many… If you do too, let’s sing together and raise the roof.”

How Long Is Now?, Tim Freke, 2009

A little over four years ago, on that first fateful date with Seeker, he gave me a copy of a little book called Lucid Living, by Timothy Freke.  I read it the following day in one sitting – only took about 30 minutes to digest, but the impact was profound enough to shift the course of my life for good.  It packs a punch, this little morsel, and I remember exactly where I read it (in bed, broad daylight, hungover from too much drinky with Seeker) and how I felt as I meandered through it (shocked, thrilled, awed, and holy shit – SAFE.)  The book outlines a little of life’s mystery – creating a beautiful metaphor between lucid dreaming, and our so-called “waking” lives.  It is audacious and yet loving, profound yet simple, and I started looking at my world in a new light after having read it.

Tim made such an impression with this bitty beast, I did a ton of research on the author himself, and found he had created a group called the Alliance for Lucid Living.  The ALL, for short, is a group that supports people who have found their way to this awakening – to bring us all together so we can keep talking the talk, and walking the same – with support and love.  I joined straight away, and started receiving the infrequent but magnificent emails.  I watched Tim’s schedule, noting that while he did all these intriguing workshops and talks, he didn’t do them often in the states, and never in a place I could actually attend.  As I read more of and about him, however, he quickly reached hero status to me – he’s written 31 books, has a freaking awesome, British sense of humor, and just absolutely exudes Big Love (one of his trademark phrases).  I was simply enamored with his mission to awaken people to their true natures – to show the door to the Oneness with such gentleness and humor.  And success.  He has legions of folks, myself included, testifying to the power of his philosophies.  His ideas are tried, tested, and true – I’m living proof.  He helped me wake up.

Then came the day I had been waiting for.  An ALL newsletter in the summer of 2009 revealed that Tim would be speaking at the Science and Non-Duality conference in San Francisco, and putting on a day-long retreat as well.  Orion and I made immediate plans to attend both, and we had an absolute blast.  The workshop did a number on me.  Not only did I start to really feel this space of Big Love that Tim talked so much about, I got to meet this Hero of mine.  Some of us even had dinner with him afterwards.  And as Orion and I sat talking to this remarkably humble, brilliant being, we said simply “Man, come to Vegas.  We need you out there.  We’re ready.”

A few months of correspondence transpired, and lo and behold – we actually inked this desert dream.  Tim and his long-time friend and assistant Anthony came to visit us last week, here to infuse Vegas with a big beautiful wake-up call.  I had one of my heroes STAYING IN MY HOME.  We spent the week together.  He makes it hard to hold him in hero-status, however, as he’s just so human.  So full of love and lacking all that superiority business.  I, at least, had a fucking fabulous time.  We had a sushi dinner to introduce him to the community, along with a local radio interview (which Orion and I were blessed enough to assist with.)  Then we had a Stand Up Philosophy events, another trademark of Tim’s, where he gave a teaser for the Main Event and gave people a glimpse into his insight and offerings.  It was a fantastic night.  50 or so seekers heard some truth, and felt a connection beyond their separate selves.  That would have been enough.  But the money shot was coming.

Last weekend, we hosted Tim’s famous Magical Mystery Experience workshop in our home.  20 folks from literally around the world (Mexico, Britain, Ecuador, Los Angeles, Las Vegas) joined us for a deep dive into the great mystery of life and love.  Tim combines a lot of revealing, insightful banter with a bunch of intensely beautiful exercises.  They all help each participant celebrate their separate consciousnesses (for without them, we would have no identity, and no ability to reflect and experience on what we *really* are, in that awesome oneness sense), and to step outside this space and into the realm of that glorious Big Love.  It’s a tough process to describe.  But oh my god is it ever powerful.  I cried a whole lotta happy tears all weekend.  I got to share this heart-exploding experience with some of my Very Favorite People (BFF + her Painter partner, Orion, several angels from Vegas, etc.).  And I absolutely, unequivocally fell more in love with myself, my friends, and the whole wide world.

Tim doesn’t pretend to have all the answers.  He’s refreshingly honest in the way he readily (and humorously) admits what he doesn’t know.  Which, as he states it, is just about everything.  But what he does is re-awaken us to the deliciousness of life, it’s very mystery and magic.  And he’s figured out a very gentle, hugely effective way to lift folks right up into the space of oneness – of complete and utter love like you’ve never experience.

Words simply cannot express how huge and awesome this weekend was.  Tim gifted us all with unspeakable awakenings, allowed us to bond and feel the oneness with each other, and just as precious to me, became a real friend to Orion and myself.  It’s quite a miracle when someone who literally changed your life from afar suddenly becomes a very real fixture in your waking world.  First Tori Amos, now Tim Freke – and this time it’s much more real.  I really couldn’t be more grateful.

We’re doing it again this September – we’ve tentatively chosen September 3-5 for the next big event – another Magical Mystery Experience, complete with a Standup Philosophy Event on Thursday, September 2nd.

If you gift yourself with only one consciousness exploration this year, this is really, truly The One.  I’m a retreat junkie – I’ve been to many experiences that are crafted to help wake us up to who we are.  But none are more powerful – in the most gentlest of ways – than Tim Freke’s Magical Mystery Experience.  This is a safe, intimate, heart-expanding experience, and everyone who came last weekend had a profoundly beautiful time.  We’d love to see you at the next one.  I’ll keep this blog updated with the next go-round, but seriously, set your travel plans now if you aren’t already in Las Vegas.  You deserve to know this love.  I sure as hell do, and every cell in my being is still rejoicing.

Enlightenment is a gas, really.  Line up 10 enlightened peeps, and they’ll give you 10 different explanations for what it is.  AND they’ll argue that some of their peers ARE and AREN’T enlightened, thereby flummoxing the surrounding seekers all the more. This is, of course, a gigantic favor.  Since I understand unequivocally now that my mind will never actually be enlightened, and that I’m in the process of accessing an entirely different part of myself, I realize this word game, the he-said-she-said, is completely meaningless.  As Orion discovered in the shower one day, any / all words = false.  Even those uttered by God.

I surround myself with enlightenment.  Men that claim it, others that claim to be close to it.  Books about it.  Audio broadcasts. In-person events / speakers / retreats.  And yet no one can tell me what IT is.  Which is marvelous, no?  That I would be chasing some mysterious illusion with such a passionate, reckless abandon?  

Marvelous, yes.  But not always to the smaller self.  Some moments I yearn for a tangible carrot, something I can see / taste / feel and know it’s worth this incessant yearning.

Yet when I ask myself, on the highest level, why I, the creator of my world, would manifest such mass confusion – I have an immediate answer.  Enlightenment can’t be defined because that which defines EVERYTHING (ie, our big hairy-scary brains) knows nothing of it.  Furthermore, by hitting my head against a mammoth brick wall whenever I approach this topic, it forces me to go deep and find what it means to me.

In other words, what is the big beautiful dream I’m chasing?  What exactly do I WANT?

Today, I’m feeling edgy and frayed, angered and annoyed at the slightest of infractions.  My life is massively unsettled.  I really don’t have a clue what’s happening on any level.  I can still access the Everything’s OK place with ease – the emotional upheaval isn’t the strongest force.  I’m watching my reactions from the observer mode, and she’s got a big toothy grin.  We’re having fun in this uncomfortable, uncertain, crazy little space – but it leads me to really define – what is enlightenment to me?  Am I trying to evolve myself out of these emotions all together?

I recently had the opportunity to attend a day-long enlightenment event with Timothy Freke, author of the brilliant Lucid Living, Jesus Mysterious, How Long Is Now?, and many more.  On my first date with the Seeker, he gifted me with Lucid Living, and it smacked me upside the head in the most magnificent way.  Tim’s take on this game is relatable – he advocates what he calls the “both / and” perspective (a term my huachumero shaman, Howard, uses as well.)  Tim states that he LOVES his human side too much to transcend it all together.  He acknowledges attachments to people like his children and wife, and absolutely wants those to stay intact.  In other words, if he got the call that his son had died, he’d still want to own that devastation and pain.  I suspect he would say this is part of being human.  Part of our rite of passage.  The key here is to never get LOST in that pain, to never truly identify it as your core self.  But there are many on this path that still have a very real attachment to this idea of humanness.

Is that what I want?

There’s a very strong piece of me that feels the need to challenge this – that there is another way of being.  It’s just a matter of determining whether or not you want it.  Which is clearly the process I’m working through as I write this.

The other way is the Tao.  An all-embracing perspective that what is is perfect.  Even when your cat is sawed in two by pranksters on Halloween (an actual event that happened to a very enlightened friend of mine this year.)  Even when your father dies (back to my fated event with Daddy.)  There’s pure poetry in embracing whatever the universe brings with a smile.  A smile like that the one on Daniel Pearl’s face when he was hooded and held by knifepoint by his angry captors, about to be beheaded.  Who would dare smile at a moment like that?  The same person that would do so when they’re staring at their dead, mutilated pet.  Or their dying father.

And is that human?  Is that really a state to aspire to?

When I started this blog, I wanted desperately to cling to this humanness, as I have defined it here – that which helps us feel.  I suspect I will always, always have these emotions, although I do allow for that to transform as well.  I can acknowledge that the old identity was once obsessed with anything that made her feel, as so much time was spent in denial of that self.  I can also admit there’s more to feel within, and I am hardly done with playing that game.  But I can say now, something that’s starting to really solidify internally, that I do not need to be the cesspool of emotions forever.  That those days are dying too, in that slow-like-honey fashion.  

It’s easy to say – I’m willing to give up my pain.  Well, strike that, it hasn’t been THAT easy, as it’s been a huge part of my identity until recently, but I’m more than thrilled to drop that story.  The hardest part is giving up my bliss.  Exiting the world of duality and into the oneness requires this.  I can’t say “God, take my pain, but I want to keep my bliss AND become self-realized.”  The acknowledgement that pain and bliss are separate sends me right back into the dualistic, ego-driven realms.  I’ve got that world in my rearview, but my eyes are still so transfixed.  Time to revert the gaze and see the beautiful nothingness that lies before.

Of course, in my willingness to be the source and the emptiness from which it came, the willingness to take my happiest memories and my highest highs and drop them on the alter like pearls (as my beloved Mac always teaches us), will in turn allow me to experience all that and more, but in this new transcended perspective.  At least, that’s the assumption, but it can’t be relied upon, or I’m not really giving it all up.  That’s like sleeping with one eye open – there’s an attachment in there.  A lack of surrender.

I guess I know now – that which I am heading towards.  I am taking on the Tao perspective, as it resonates strongest.  I love this world, don’t get me wrong – it’s just that staying behind and holding on to even the smallest of threads won’t get me back home.  It will just keep me lost in this beautiful and maddening illusion.  I want what’s real.  So I will let it all go.